Monday, July 28, 2014

For H.S.

Been awhile, but I haven't disappeared - though there have been many times I wish I could.

There's a lot happening but it's happening so fast that I am exhausted...breathless... like a carnival ride that is spinning and doesn't stop spinning, just gets faster and doesn't stop.

The reigns in my life seem to have disappeared and here I am, at the mercy of ....whatever or whoever.

The wind is knocked out of me.

God I don't want to be alone, yet I am afraid of being alone. Or,at least, being abandoned.

The conundrum is a desperate, deep, painful churn in my stomach that I hide.

This journey is more than I could ever imagined it to be. Wrought with self-awareness and reflection; patterns; mistakes...

This blog - this particular one - I write for a friend who called me today in tears. I felt her pain.

Hang in there.

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