Mother's Day

Every Sunday, around this time, is a sad time for me. It is not often that I have heard of a best friend like the one I have in Bill whose birthday was today. I awoke him with breakfast in bed after we stayed up til almost three a.m. just being together. Laughing, joking, talking.

I specifically asked that nobody contact me or anything for Mother's Day. I had many reasons. Frankly I found the day to be loathsome so I was grateful it fell on Bill's birthday.

After midnight, he told me something to the affect of, "I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm going to say it anyway: Happy Mother's Day, Cristina." and I started to cry. He apologized.

He got here Friday evening and we had a late dinner. One of his favorites: BBQ ribs with mashed potatoes. The next night - Saturday night - we all (he, Trevor and I) had fun experimenting with making (or attempting to make) the same kind of burrito I always order at Puerta Villarta restaurant. It's my favorite. As well as making (or trying to replicate) their habenero dip. We all cut up HOT STUFF - jalepenos, long red chilli peppers, Trevor cut up the carrots that will make your eyes water if you eat them. I'd warned him to not touch his eyes which he did, of course, at one point. Some of my fingertips are still burning. We had a lot of fun. A lot of playing around. Messy burritos but they were good. Just not as good as Puerta Villarta. I am afraid to go there - afraid I will see Gary and break down. It was the first restaurant he ever took me to on a date and we went there often.

Anyway, Saturday, we (Bill and I) decided to do all our tasks - laundry, groceries, etc. - so that today we would have nothing to do but relax and enjoy our time together. I thought it would be nice for Bill to have a task-free day for his birthday.

But...because he's my best friend and I know him so well and love him so much...

I know his reasons were different.

I know that he knew I would receive perhaps one phone call - from my daughter, Meagan - for Mother's Day and he knew if I heard from Tony at all it would be a simple text message and that Trevor would probably not even mention the day. He knew these things and so Saturday, as we were doing our tasks, he treated me to a day of spoiling.

He bought me some things that made me smile, made me happy and even squeal with delight. Yesterday was wonderful. I spent it with my best friend and then spent the evening with he and my son, making fools of ourselves in the kitchen, completely winging it, to come up with some kind of mexican concoction dinner.

I knew that Saturday was Bill's back-sided way of giving me Mother's Day because he knew the actual day would hurt.

A Buddha that I have always wanted and for which I have the perfect spot. Incidentally, it sits next to a fountain given to me by Tony for Mother's Day about three years ago and to the left, is a plant given to me by Tony about four years ago.

A solar butterfly that illuminates and changes colors to go in the garden we planted together.

Pots and soil and stones I needed to transplant the cacti and succulents we got together to put in my window box. He also got me the seashell on the top left because I needed one more thing to put up there, to balance it out.

This one made me squeal. A "Money Tree" - yes that's what it's really called. I've been wanting one and now finally have one. He bought the soil and pot I would need to transplant it and helped me to do so.

For Mother's Day, my first messages was a kind, loving and thoughtful text from who I refer to as my surrogate daughter, Hannah. As expected, I received a phone call from my daughter and a text from my son. "Happy mothers day mom" and, of course, it was just another day for Trevor and he made no mention of it.

I am unsure of my feelings about all this. I know Bill was being Bill...being kind, loving and (attempting to be) discrete. But I know he was trying to make my Mother's Day special in some way, because he knew my heart would be hurting.

I am so grateful to him and for him. The light he brings into my world and my life is like magic. We plan, one day, to leave this place and go somewhere far away, somewhere peaceful, tranquil and kind. Someplace that suits us.

For now, that is what we work towards because whether or not we ever marry is still to be decided but one thing is for sure: I know who my soul mate is. I know I think of him every minute and worry for and about him constantly. I know I go to sleep thinking of him and awaken with him in my mind. I know he changes my life, my mood, everything simply by being. He makes me laugh and he understands me and he loves me anyway and so I know, there will never be another man in my life.

None but Bill whose kindness, compassion and wisdom cannot be matched.