Dark as it may be, there is no dark enough place. There is no hole deep or cold enough. Keep waiting for the earth to crumble over me but it doesn't; just leaves me here in this hole. My fingers bloody from trying to crawl out. My knees raw. My feet, freezing. There is good in this life. Thankfully. There are loving, compassionate, understanding and helpful people. Cindy, Hannah, Natasha, Rubi... Most of whom I never imagined would give me a second glance. But they did. Still I am in this hole and I've swallowed my pride ten times over. I have begged for help. There is no light in this hole; just the promise of it above, where I cannot reach. I am surrounded by dichotomies and catch-22's and I am confused, lost and God I am terrified.