My name is Cristina D. Johnson
Today I have cried more than not.
There is a lot I don't understand.
I lashed out - viciously - at two of the most important people in my life. I have no explanation. There was no provocation.
I said hurtful, shameful things.
Today I keep waiting for my punishment. I feel like I deserve it. It kills me when they are kind to me.
I am confused and frustrated and uncertain.
Bill is leaving again. Going to PA to work.
I suppose this is good, although I won't have transportation but we'll figure it out.
I don't know what he wants from me.
I don't know what "H" wants from me.
If I don't know what they want from me, how can I give it?
I have no control. This kills me. If I have no control or understanding of what is going on, I lose control... I am lost. I am enraged. I want to fight.
I hate who I've been these past few days and I just keep sinking into the ugly that I was.
They forgive me.
I cannot forgive myself.
I am so lost.
No comments:
Post a Comment
If you find this helpful, please comment - and share! Education is key