Nervous

So much has gone on in the past 24 hours...my stomach is in knots, my nerves are so frayed...

Some good, some not so much.

My friend showed up at six this morning. Trevor and I stayed in a motel room. We were so glad to see him. But he has to leave again Tuesday and come back again next Saturday, which sucks because he's such a source of support and comfort.

Today, I (hopefully) go sign the lease for my new apartment. Moving is bittersweet... much of the things I think and feel, I have to keep to myself, which just chokes me.

I got sick again this morning; partly nerves, partly because I was brushing my teeth. Do you know how disgusting it is to get sick when you're brushing your teeth?

 I will probably blog again later - an addendum to this blog - to let people know how the lease-signing went.

Right now, just a bundle of nerves....

...but grateful for those in my life who are being so supportive right now.

-----------------------------------------
Addendum

Signed the lease. Part of me is so excited, part of me screams, "THERE, NOW YOU CAN HAVE YOUR LIFE BACK!" with a completely broken heart.

Took Trevor and my friend to see the apartment yesterday. He LOVED it! So much more room!!

Spent some time last night crying to my friend - what a great listener. Damn....I forgot what it was like to be listened to. Holy shit. It's like I've been living in the dark for five years, never mattering.  I cried and bawled and just let loose. It was painful - so painful - to come to some of my own realizations about my situation, about the reality of things, how they are and how they have been.

So this morning I sit here and I cry;  I cry for so many reasons, when I should be overjoyed...and part of me is.

Oh God I can't wait for all of this to be over. The nerves ....my nerves are just making me sicker and sicker.

So glad my son loved the apartment.