Someone Else

Writing from my phone again. He told me he's seeing someone else and has been since before the break up. "Not that I cheated," he said... But he was "choosing better." It's occurred to me that he was, again, putting me down, blaming me, being so cruel and insensitive... Yet I was telling him I love and miss him. So backwards. He blamed me for this emotional affair he's had, saying I left the relationship long ago. But that's so far from the truth. I was completely in it, trusting him to be there as I tried to climb this enormous, painful mountain. I definitely didn't leave the relationship. I needed him and I loved and trusted him. I've cried and panicked over this revelation ever since he told me... And not in the nicest way. I'm floored that he has everyone thinking I'm some kind of monster, when he's been doing all these cruel things to me. I'm stunned that people can't (or choose not to) see how blatantly he's just moving on, as if our five years together, never happened. I told him I couldn't even FATHOM a relationship... Because I'm still in love. So devastated. So hurt. Total disbelief. I feel like such a fool.